May 6, 2000 (2 Days to Departure)

This is when doubt was starting to gnaw at me, especially at night. The next entry will be May 8th, when I actually leave.

A couple of things to mention. While I’m keeping the journal exactly as it was, the editor in me can’t help but clean it up a little, at least in terms of punctuation.

The photographs shown each day are not necessarily taken on that day. I used a simple 35mm camera on this trip, and back then photos weren’t metatagged the way they are now. Today’s picture is actually the first official picture of the start of the trip, taken on May 8th, down by the rocky beach near Mile 0.

May 6

What on earth is wrong with me? For the past week every day I feel like I can take on the world, and every night my stomach is tied in knots with dread. In both cases, I am fully aware of what lays ahead of me, and yet the very time of day completely changes my outlook. It’s as if I feel vulnerable at night, and not all the pepper spray, flares or batons will make a difference. During the day, I feel untouchable, an equally unrealistic view. So what is wrong? Tonight I’m going to feel the same thing again, and the night after that, until I leave. Then… then I don’t know what will happen.

I figured out where Mossfoot should go. He’ll actually be looking over me on top of my knapsacks. Very cute.

Worked on the survey more… but what I need to know is, is it too long? What can I do to shorten it up? Should I?

I find quite silly that the Trans Canada Trail is finished enough for the millennium relay to be underway, but not finished enough to get any information about how to get on it or use it. Stupido! I realize now, despite early misgivings, that I would MUCH prefer using the trail than roads, only to have it not available to me! At least, not officially… maybe someday I’ll do the trip again using the entire trail. Maybe with Gillian by my side.

A thought. Chilliwack will be like “The Last Homely House” before the “Misty Mountains” (yeah, yeah, I got it backwards, so what? Heck, there is a big park I have to go through, maybe like Mirkwood? 🙂 )

I have to be a better writer than this.

Oh, the first chapter should be about preparation. No, not chapter, the introduction. Explain how this started out simply as a trip where I hoped to have an adventure and end up with maybe a book out of it, then all the PR attempts, the hopes, the crushing of those hopes, and a return to what I started out doing. Simply a trip where I hoped to have an adventure and maybe a book out of it. Nice symmetry.