Fun with Cereal

I’m at the supermarket and I see in the discount rack a whole mess of cereal boxes.  For TMNT cereal.

When it comes to cereal I tend to be a no-name Raisin Bran type (because they don’t add sugar the way Kellogs does),  with the rare indulgence into candy like Cinnamon Toast Crunch or off-brand Fruit Loops.

But they were selling it for a buck, so I figured, what the hell? Give it a shot. Tonight I dine on turtle soup (he thinks in his best Shredder voice).

So I try it for breakfast the next day, and am instantly struck by its taste.  I’m shocked, in fact.

I look at the name of the company who made this. General Mills.

Seems about right. Tastes like it came from a mill… all wood chips and varnish.

It’s probably the most bland and frankly kind of disgusting kid’s cereal I’ve ever had.  Bland coated in varnish… wasn’t kidding about that.  The milk somehow instantly creates a thin slimy protective coating around the cereal – perhaps they were trying to make it authentically turtle-like, but got turtles mixed up with some kind of mucous coated amphibian instead.  Do your homework, General Mills, they’re reptiles!

Wait… General Mills… aren’t they the people who make Cinnamon Toast Crunch?  The hell?

How do the people who make legalized crack cocaine in foodstuff form screw up cereal this bad?  Perhaps it is made from shredded CTC containers as the employees gorge themselves on box after box and write them off as “defective” to their superiors?   Maybe it’s meant to help you ease down from a CTC high? Ensure you don’t crash too hard?

I just don’t understand…